Wake Up, Little Suzie, Wake Up??

I have once again been awake since 3 am.

This weather has been killing me. As soon as I take a step out into the Oklahoma Summer heat, my head starts pounding and my back aches. My sinuses are so incredibly dry. It’s like a wasteland up in there.

Because I don’t want to leave Michael’s side, I instead lay in bed and think. lol I hate that I do this, but it’s part of me so whatever!

What has my wheels turning this time is the strength of the human spirit, the fragility of the human body… how love and faith conquer all things. Probably too much for this post but I’ll literally skim portions of the surface.

In December 2015, two months after accepting my position at Victoria’s Secret, my manager died… someone I felt very tied to in just a short amount of time. She was all around incredible. You would have been crazy not to love her.ย She died in a car accident and ended up in ICU where she eventually passed.

By no means is this something I continually think about each week. I’ve only been reminded of it lately as I’ve been witnessing various things which I would not feel professional speaking about.

All I can say is that the strength of the human spirit and its heart for other is unstoppable. Compassion and drive may be the most vital qualities we can have.

Take this as an example… a man who was abused by his father. He was 9 years old. Eventually, he moves away, gets married, and has children. Now, he hugs his son every day. He puts his trophies in the living room for everyone to see. He invites people over. He’s proud of what he has accomplished despite disasterly circumstances.

This is the power of the human spirit when we have drive and when we have compassion. I’m staring to understand that. When you put others before yourself, guess what you don’t have to think about anymore? Yourself. And it’s a huge load off the shoulders.

Almost a year ago now, I met my best friend, Michael. I strived for a better man in my life. I knew I deserved it. Now, I have him. And I will never allow him to go away. Lol Iย found my missing puzzle piece. The one to make all the messes make sense. As soon as I saw his eyes looking down at me, I knew. So thankful to God for you, Michael. Each and every day. And even moreso as I witness tragedy at my job. As you lay next to me in bed, I see you breathing and it brings me joy.

Although…I can’t wait for you to wake up because you are kinda boring when you’re asleep. lol I love you. ๐Ÿ’‹

Hashtag: when you can’t get attention because he’s sleeping.



We Can Take This Whole Thing To Mars

Many of us struggle with lack of confidence. In fact, we all do from time to time. There are some of us who sink into it a little bit and are able to dip in and rescue ourselves quickly, and there are others (like me) who watch themselves sink and somehow convince themselves it’s deserved. And that person just keeps sinking lower (10 ft) and lower (20 ft) and lower (50 ft) where now you almost don’t have enough air to reach yourself.

From what I’ve been told, lack of confidence is linked to the past. That does make sense. However, I think it could just be a personality thing. It’s something I never was a natural with. I’ve always had the instinct to blame myself before anyone else. If anyone was the loser it was most definitely me.

I would watch people excel at certain things like softball, for instance. Actually– dodgeball. That’s the funnier example. Lol I remember a couple of times being one of the last ones left playing (rare). But, overall, I was sad we were throwing things at each other. I thought it was mean. lol

I hated that thing where you stood in a line and chose your teammates. I would always choose people who I knew were going to be picked last because I felt sorry for them. Anyone who was able to so easily do the opposite made no sense to me. Also, the people who were usually picked last were my friends. ๐Ÿ˜‚

So I kind of felt like a loser. I wanted to be good at those things. I just never was. I was always a little bit girly and shy lol I wanted to pick out dresses and talk about our feelings. lol That’s just me. It took me time to figure out that’s okay and sometimes I still have to remind myself. I guess you could say I felt alone in my thinking even at a young age.

In my mind, I already go around telling myself how much I suck. lol So when someone else comes up with a deadly critique for me (i.e. “you’re over the top” “you talk too much”), I take it very seriously, grab it by the tail, snuggle up with it, and wallow. It’s a stupid thing to do, but a well-practiced habit. I have to dedicate time to remind myself that they’re wrong.

Another thing I’ve done is I’ve taken this sincere compassion for others and I’ve turned it into a career. As a nurse, I hardly ever have to question if my pateint is somebody I can trust. For me, they are a child. I hardly ever have to question if that person is taking advantage of me. Most of them need me in a very vulnerable time. It fulfills all my needs as a person. I get talked up at my job more often than I’m talked down. That’s why it’s amazing!

In my life, I’ve been referred to as a “misfit” or an “outcast.” That will really get to a person if they start believing it’s true. Nobody should have to be placed in such a category.

Sigh! Confidence is not so easy for all of us. Some of us have to dig deep and search for our lost person. But what’s cool about those of us who have this problem — once we reach the surface we are unstoppable! And we have so incredibly much to offer.


Think of it this way — if you’re down on yourself, who is benefiting from it? Not even you. Literally nobody is. And what’s to be down on? When you really think about it! You’re incredible, loving, and have achieved so much!! You relate to hundreds and even thousands of people. You are a little human on a big planet with your own genetic make up. Do you know your DNA can reach the sun and back 4 times?! That’s 368 MILLION miles!! You’re an individual!! That’s why you’re here. ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹ย You’re pretty cool ๐Ÿ•ถ