Baby Nurse Newbie

And yes, they are all babies! Even if they’re 21 — still babies in my eyes. 👀☝🏼

It’s been 3 weeks that I’ve been on orientation with my preceptor. I’m really enjoying it. I know I’m in the right place.

I’m starting to feel the pressure of knowing more of the details… to fully embrace the outside of my comfort zone, take some added, potentially more risky initiative, relate what I’m reading on my computer and turn it into a concise, timed to-do list… to look at the clock more, get a head start, to make sure I prioritize my load. Who is the sickest tonight? Is everyone’s pulse ox on okay? What will I do if a patient codes? Do I know how to set up suction quickly enough? Does every bedside have its three ambu bags, the code sheet, and is there someone at the desk who can bring me the crash cart? Do I know where to find a parent chair if I need one? Do I have my phone on me? Does the unit have enough pillows for everyone? Where are the trash bags ACTUALLY located? Lol Will we always have enough cots for everyone? If my patient’s EVD is putting out 30, why does that scare me? I know it shouldn’t. Are heel sticks always this much of a pain in the ass? Will I ever be good at pediatric venipuncture? When these kids are smiling at me, does that mean they love and trust me? I hope so. I hope I never disappoint them.

Gosh, it is endless. I am constantly thinking about these kids. In a general way, I’m wondering, analyzing, contemplating, planning… all these things!! Always wondering how I can get better. Eventually, I reach a standstill where I decide — I’m always going to need to get better and this is something I’m going to have to accept. I will always need to get better at taking report, I will always need to get better at GIVING report, I will always need a mental refresher on my patient’s diagnosis before I do their initial assessment… I will always be searching for a way I can be better. At everything. There is no way any of these kids can be worth anything less than me constantly striving to do and be my best. Between the way I talk to my coworkers, the way I talk to their families. the way I talk to their doctor all the way up to how I hold their hand, how deeply I empathize with their pain, how tightly in tune I am with their diagnosis and pathophysiology… I know I will never quit trying to be the best I can for my kids.

I think of them all the time. Anyone would.
Scary. It’s scary when I think about it because losing one would be heartbreaking, but that’s a risk I took when I first decided to become a nurse. I work in a hospital and people in hospitals can die.

These kids are amazing. It’s all worth it. Soooo so worth it. The way their eyes flood with tears when you poke their little arms, how their feet kick when they’re in their crib, how even a teenager’s tough front is put to the side when they’re hurting and mommy is at the bedside… it tugs loud, hard and pretty at the heart strings. Most of all, the vast evidence that I’m an instrument in God’s huge masterpiece. I’m just there… doing my job, following orders, holding hands, having a tough shell but a warm, full heart. I’m a nurse!! And this is so, so exciting.

Can’t believe I’m actually doing it.

Prayers for my babies always. ❤️

Hope everyone is doing well out there!!

Also, my brother recently got his job back and there are no words for how much that means to me. So thankful to God!

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